{28/10/2011}   how do you describe anxiety/panic attack?

The only way I can describe anxiety attacks is like the world flips over on you. My lungs feel like they’re compressing. Then, my heart began to race. My heart starts beating rapidly, like it’s about to pop out of my chest. The harsh “pins & needles” feel when it’s the only sensation going through my body,and my stomach started to turn. My head throbs and I start to hyperventilate. I’ll cry and sob and not be able to breathe for the life of me. I’ve sat in a bathtub contemplating sticking my head under the water just to stop the wracking gasps and sobs. In that moment, everything that could be wrong is wrong and no one could possibly listen or care. There’s nothing that can comfort me in that moment. No soothing words, warm hugs, or loving kisses. It’s a feeling of being utterly alone, because no one can stop the panic but me, but I’m always too busy crying in a corner waiting to die from it.That fear and sadness will kill me if I can’t control it.  Sometimes, everything is perfect and I’m so freakishly happy and I laugh and smile and talk way too much. But other times, I can’t even imagine why anyone would ever be friends with me. The concept is completely and utterly inconceivable.  But I’m trying to get better. And I will.


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