{03/11/2011}   On Slippers, or Respectable Ways of Becoming Famous

On Slippers, or Respectable Ways of Becoming Famous.

Slippers are shoes that you wear inside of your home.  Now, I can understand why you would need to wear shoes, and I can understand why you would need to be inside of a home, but I was confused as to why you would need a whole other accessory just so you could do both at the same time.  Nevertheless, the slipper industry is booming, withtotal sales nearing a reported $725 million in 2009.  I decided to take a look into the minds of this curious group of consumers.  The following examines several possible motivations for wearing slippers:

For Reasons of Temperature

Some people might wear slippers because they find that their feet are cold.  These people seem to look for complicated solutions to straightforward problems.  Just turn up the heat!

For Reasons of Cleanliness

Some people might wear slippers because their home is too dirty to walk around in barefoot, or even worse, in socks.  If this is you, then you are probably a carefree, live-life-in-the-moment sort of person.    I admire that, but it’s disgusting.  And unless you want to be a rude and selfish carefree person, you better have slippers for your guests!

For Reasons of Style

If you are under the age of 12 and you’d like to wear slippers, you are a perfectly normal child.  In fact, the wackier your slippers, the more normal you are.  However, If you prefer “grown-up” slippers at this age you could be experiencing false delusions of maturity.  If left unmanaged, this could lead to Rico Rodriguez Syndrome.  I might be a bit concerned if you are a kid and not interested in wearing something cool, like the Cookie Monster, on your feet.  Any kid that can’t get excited about cookies is bound to disappointed in life.

If you are between the ages of 12 and 16, and you are wearing “grown-up” slippers, you are probably a normal kid, but you should begin to question whether or not these accessories are actually necessary.  If you are this age and still wearing the wacky style slippers, you might be exhibiting symptoms of being either a little too silly or ironically cute.  Being silly sometimes is healthy, but being too silly is really going to ostracize you and creep people out.  If you’re not sure whether or not you’re being too silly, ask yourself if you have plans this Saturday night.  If the answer is no, you might want to examine your level of silliness.

Ironically cute people go out of their way to demonstrate just how much they love the same things as kids.  They might wear SpongeBob t-shirts or collect Disney memorabilia or even go as far as ordering Happy Meals.  Ironic cuteness is most often diagnosed in men between the ages of 18 – 40, and research has found it to be a fairly successful strategy in picking up women.

If you’re over the age of 16, and you’re still wearing slippers for reasons of style, you could be a bit starved for attention.  Although, I won’t go so far as prescribing it, promiscuity seems to give you a bit more bang for your buck.

For Reasons of Floor Protection

If you are wearing slippers because you don’t want to mess up your floor, then either your floor is too expensive, you’re too anal, or you need to see a podiatrist.

For Reasons of Foot Protection

Some people might wear slippers to protect and prevent their feet from minor injuries.  These people are likely to be neurotic and whiny.  Walking to the bathroom without your shoes should not be a dangerous activity.  If you find this to be a treacherous journey, however, you might want to reconsider whether or not you are walking correctly.

For Reasons of Comfort

I’m sure a popular reason for wearing slippers is that people find them to be comfortable.  These people seem to have a significant sense of entitlement. They should be reminded that true happiness comes from within.

For Reasons of Obligation

It is possible some people have received slippers as gifts, and not wanting to offend the gift-giver, they will wear them for this reason.  These are sweet and considerate people, however, they might be easy to manipulate.  Have you ever taken on an embarrassing dare for a mere buck or two?  Do you have a nickname which points out one of your physical deformities?  If this is you, make sure to set some boundaries and understand that you’re probably the butt of most of your friends’ jokes.

For Reasons of Respect

Some people’s feet are simply repulsive, and they will wear slippers to spare their guests the tortuous nightmares an utter glance would give.  Although their hygiene is often in question, these people are ladies and gentleman and should be regarded with a most respectful pity.

For Reasons of Renown

Evidently, a man named Derek “The Slipper Man” Fan wore a pair of slippers for 23 straight years and now holds a Guinness World Record.  If you’re going to use slipper wearing as your strategy for achieving worldwide fame then I have no choice but to diagnose you as a stalwart genius.


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cool article, glad i took the time to look over it, if you have some similar articles will be checking back to read them sometime.

thank you Torri..

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