{12/12/2011}   happy (?)

i’m happy and i think it’s truth. Then i am sad and say, no, THIS is truth.

i see things simply and say it is truth,then see them complicated and say that MUST be truth.

But if truth always lies somewhere in the median,

if i am as a fully honest person both somewhat sad and somewhat happy,

and if reality is both simple and complicated,

how can i ever really discern truth?

My mind is built for polarities.

A series of contradictions with no compromise, no middle ground, no peace.

if i want happiness and fear sadness,want simplicity and fear complexity, then i am

equally biased towards both ends.

My moral compass is guiding me in circles while insisting it is on a straight path, and i

am as lost as if i were to give up and sit in the dark until i died.

So the only thing that remain that is truly true is the irresponsible, irrational, relentless

impulse to continue forward in search of light. While a small part of me remains utterly

and consistently convinced that no matter how many times i cross the same landmarks along the path

and no matter how hungry the darkness grows, there is light, just up ahead,

if only i strive for it.


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