{11/01/2012}   again..

You  just did it again….And again it put me so down.

My thoughts, my emotions had been battling…..  I feel alone, broken, dirty, hopeless, useless, worthless, a failure, a burden, yes, a weakling.  I so hate myself for all those.   This afternoon was bad.    I don’t have the energy to talk to anybody…but I  had to run to you for comfort…..

I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone ….  but you..for comfort…

I hate this feeling!  Feeling like I’m trapped in a dark box by myself and I just can’t get out and your words are just  pushing me more  inwards.  Your words seem to tell that my thoughts and feelings were right.  As if you want me to box it all up, keep it up to myself and not supposed to have feelings..

I’m trying ….

I want to feel like, for once, I can actually do something right; like I’m actually doing whatever it is I’m trying to accomplish… I don’t want to talk, but i have ideas.   I’m tired  feeling  like I’m weak on everything,  like I’m never going to get anything right,  like i cannot decide on my own… I just, for once in my life, make me feel like I’m worth something.  I’m tired of feeling like I’m a failure; I can’t do it anymore.  It’s not that easy for me… not easy…

Help me..


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