iamalexia











{11/03/2012}   ….

Depression is overrated.

There I said it.   I know for a fact that I am not the only sad human being in this world. I think sometimes the mere feeling of sadness even just a hint of sadness, makes people think that they already are depressed. I am not saying that I am proud to be depressed to be honest I can’t wait to get better.

These past years, when i’m depressed, aside from singing and listening to music, I blog.   My blog’s purpose is to make me feel better, it’s like having someone to talk to, you know?

Depression, in a strange way makes you disabled. I know that, that may seem weird and unlikely but it’s the sad truth. It takes the life out of you, the love, the hope, and the faith. It leaves you empty and numb, and to be honest that is the worst feeling, to not be able to feel anything at all.

I’d rather be sad and angry all the time than to be numb. This is probably why I hurt myself on purpose sometimes, don’t get me wrong, i don’t usually cut.   I just starve myself.    For other people, yes, they cut.   The pain that you feel, the blood that comes out of the cut that you make, it almost seems like it drains all the numbness and pain away.   This is  the sad truth that a few of us go through. Depression keeps you up all night.  This is hard, very hard, to command your body to sleep and rest but you’re mind just won’t comply, it keeps you up for days.   For me this the hardest part, Insomnia. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve cried just because I wanted to sleep so bad,  but I just can’t do it.

And while I am still awake, thoughts just keep coming that makes me more depressed.  I don’t want to resort to my pills for I will take more than what is needed.  I don’t want to be in my tub, for i feel like drowning myself… I will just write, I just hope that things will be much better after this.  I will try to listen to a good music after this.

I want to feel better.

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