{11/03/2012}   my room

My room is like a tomb

A holding place for things long forgotten,

Or so I had hoped.

As I step into the room I can feel the sadness drenched in the walls

I can feel the memories flood back to me like a tsunami hitting the shore.

There is a weight, a weight that may never be removed.

It slows me down almost to a stop.

There is too much of the past

Too many memories; too many emotions

The cross above my bed remind me of the times I cried for help,

The times I prayed for forgiveness

The vanity mirror, the face that looks back at me is from a time long ago

A time when I looked into it with tears streaming

A time when I looked myself in the eyes and told myself to hold it together

That I can make it and I will show them that I am worth it

The books jumbled across my floor remind me of the only escape I could find

The only place I truly belonged

And the bed

The bed reminds me of the times I wanted to melt right into it

To disappear from this world

A time where I used it to muffle my sobs of sadness and pain

And all the times I shut myself off trying to escape the screams

This room is a tomb,

A trap for me, by me.



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