{10/04/2012}   So numb

Endless numbness.  When you actually feel, it’s almost unreal.  It is only only a drop of artificially flavored happiness, sadness.  I don’t want to die like I used to, but  still don’t have so much a reason to live.  The kind of just waiting to slip back into depression or rise into happiness.

I am numb and just waiting, waiting – will i die or will i live?

When you’re in this numb thing,   you  can’t tell whether this or depression is better.  Because either way, you  are not happy.

But when you’re numb, you have absolutely no grip on your feelings. you can’t say, i’m crying because of this, this is how i feel and this is why.

When you’re numb, you have no explanations.

Maybe i am dead.


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