iamalexia











{05/06/2012}   surviving a heartbreak
Before my recent break-up with a “guy” I was with for (almost) 15  months, I had to recover from the pains of a bitter separation with the “guy” I was in love with for (almost) seven years.  Like a lot of people probably would, I thought moving on from recent Ex would be a breeze considering everything that I went through after my previous Ex , but it wasn’t as easy as I expected.   It’s not that hard either.  For one,  I’m seven years smarter, tougher, and more mature.  Also,  I have an understanding of  why we had this relationship anyway,  I have a pretty clear idea of why I’m here,  what I aspire to become, and how I’d like my life to be.   I guess I’m finally realizing my true worth as a person and unlike before,  I don’t let other people determine that for me.   I have learned to love myself first by not letting my love for another consume me.

I’ve gone through something so hurtful  more than enough and I’d spare the rest of the planet from this kind of misery if I could,  but I can’t.  What I can only do is be the hand that holds a brokenhearted in his/her reading.  Having had “only”  four  break-ups  in my entire existence does not make me an expert, but I’m sharing a few of the countless things I  have read, i have learned and did in the years that I’ve been dealing with this kind of drama anyway.

Who knows?   I might  just be able to save a life, make a person understand how beautiful life is…..make one life more meaningful and continue moving on towards reaching her/his dreams.   Kudos to a dear friend who made me realize that my recent Ex is not worth my taking my life, even a tear… so now, i am moving on…again.

1)     As in any list, PUT GOD FIRST.    Pain can do all sorts of things to you- from doing things that you may regret, to forgetting the best way to deal with it.  Praying is not only communicating with God.  It is also a means of introspection wherein you confront yourself with your own thoughts, feelings, and actions.  It allows for an opportunity to work towards an unbiased conclusion as to how and why the separation happened.  Slowly but surely, you will understand that God is and will always be in control. No matter what you’re going through and whatever else happens, you are and will never be alone. You could lose a hundred lovers, but you won’t lose Him.

2)     After a heartbreak,  give your heart a break….  Let your feelings die a natural death.  If you bury them alive, they will inch their way up their graves and haunt you.    I don’t know about other people, but settling for a “rebound person” will only give you more problems.   You already have one.     Deal with it first.   I know of a person who came from one bitter break-up and ended up with five in one year.   As for my recent one, I came to soon to his life, only to find out that he has not moved out from his past heartbreak and i was his  “rebound person”…..  also things ended too soon.  Give yourself ample time to heal before you jump into anything.   When true love finally comes, it will be best if you are available on all aspects so you can have a stress-free relationship without the potential complications your cluttered history might cause.   The same goes for drugs, alcohol, and other diversions that can “divert” you to darker places of “break-up darkness”.   If you are currently in this kind of situation,  take this:  It’s better to lose someone else than to lose yourself.    In fact,  losing someone you have lost yourself into gives you a chance to find yourself again.

3)     Focus on moving on,  move forward, one day at a time.  Sniff your way to happiness….. After you’ve extracted yourself from a relationship that is proven to be beyond repair, use your “alone time” wisely.  Give yourself a chance to be angry and depressed for a short while, then switch off the “mope” button.  Do not engage in activities that will pull you back into the pit- like going to places you used to frequent as a couple, listening to your theme song all night, or stalking him/her.   Deal with change. Find something you love to do.  Anything artistic can help create you, create a new identity and even let go of someone you love.  Discover new things and be excited about what God has in store for you.  Be productive.  Spend time with your loved ones.  Find a way to be genuinely happy by yourself, so that you won’t have to be dependent on other people for your own happiness.

4)     Learn how to love without “owning”.   This ain’t easy, but it ain’t that hard either.   We have to recognize a way of loving freely, unconditionally, and without expectations.  If you want to reach out to your ex for closure and/or reconciliation, look inside your heart first. What do you really want to happen? Do you want to move on for good, or do you just want things back to how they were? Remember that the relationship ended because of how things were. Don’t start playing with fire if you don’t want to be burned- again. Know that you don’t have to “own” someone to love them because in reality, you can’t own anyone. Stop being miserable, lift up your loneliness to God, and set the object of your affection free. Eventually, you’ll be free from the emotions you had for that person and you’ll be given what is due you- the love and the kind of relationship you’ve been waiting for all your life.

5)     Look back with a smile. If you lose something bad, would you feel sad?  The reason why you feel “bluer than blue” after a break-up is because you know that you’ve lost something good. Your relationship may not have worked out, but it’s not like it was a colossal waste of time. Never regret something that made you happy. Allow one good memory to ease the pain, then let go and look forward to making new ones. Be thankful for the time you spent with that person, for the things that you’ve learned, and for the love that you shared. Gratefulness is an awesome cure for bitterness and sadness. It is also a sign of maturity. When you are grateful regardless of the pain that you’re feeling, forgiving is easier, healing is hastened, and before you know it, your heart is as good as new. After all, every relationship that ended wrongly will lead you to the right one.

A good friend of mine once said that each break-up is different. The intensity of pain that you felt with each separation, and the speed of your “recovery” are not measures of how deeply you felt for each person you were with. Your state of being at the time of your break-up is a huge determinant on how well you’ll pull through, so work on that. It all depends on your general outlook on life, your attitude, your will to move on, and your faith. I must admit that the road to recovery wasn’t that smooth…. but that’s okay.  I’m okay.  I figured that as long as you’re dead set on moving forward, you’ll manage to keep yourself on the track. Always believe that God had planned a wonderful love life for you. Wish your ex/exes well and you will be well. Eventually, all will be well and we live happily ever after – with or without a lover.



{11/03/2012}   ….

Depression is overrated.

There I said it.   I know for a fact that I am not the only sad human being in this world. I think sometimes the mere feeling of sadness even just a hint of sadness, makes people think that they already are depressed. I am not saying that I am proud to be depressed to be honest I can’t wait to get better.

These past years, when i’m depressed, aside from singing and listening to music, I blog.   My blog’s purpose is to make me feel better, it’s like having someone to talk to, you know?

Depression, in a strange way makes you disabled. I know that, that may seem weird and unlikely but it’s the sad truth. It takes the life out of you, the love, the hope, and the faith. It leaves you empty and numb, and to be honest that is the worst feeling, to not be able to feel anything at all.

I’d rather be sad and angry all the time than to be numb. This is probably why I hurt myself on purpose sometimes, don’t get me wrong, i don’t usually cut.   I just starve myself.    For other people, yes, they cut.   The pain that you feel, the blood that comes out of the cut that you make, it almost seems like it drains all the numbness and pain away.   This is  the sad truth that a few of us go through. Depression keeps you up all night.  This is hard, very hard, to command your body to sleep and rest but you’re mind just won’t comply, it keeps you up for days.   For me this the hardest part, Insomnia. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve cried just because I wanted to sleep so bad,  but I just can’t do it.

And while I am still awake, thoughts just keep coming that makes me more depressed.  I don’t want to resort to my pills for I will take more than what is needed.  I don’t want to be in my tub, for i feel like drowning myself… I will just write, I just hope that things will be much better after this.  I will try to listen to a good music after this.

I want to feel better.



et cetera