{10/04/2012}   it’s better…
 Yes, i guess it’s better.

To be numb, than in pain.

It’s better to not feel anything.

It’s better to not care.

It’s better to not love.

It’s better to not miss.

It’s better to not reminisce.

It’s better to not wish.

it’s better not to dream.

It’s better not to hope.

It’s better to not believe.

It’s better to be numb.

Feel nothing.


{08/12/2011}   just a dREaM..

For the past  nights ive been having nightmares every time i fall asleep. Almost the same nightmare occurred  each night. I’ve waken up at  mornings in tears. Sometimes  it’s making me afraid to fall asleep.  I  have no idea how to stop this from happening but it is not a good thing….

Last night was the worst ever…  I had this bad dream, that my boyfriend cheated on me.  We were now living together. He asked permission to see his old college friends whom he had not seen for years and i allowed him to.  Then suddenly had this feeling to follow him without him knowing.  He ended up in a mall-type place, there were his friends and among them is his ex who has been making some efforts to have him back for real.  It was still ok because she is totally out of his mind, out of his life…

Then  he and his ex went away from the group, the next thing i know, he was up in this  hotel- looking room naked with this girl…  It was awful! I pulled him out of there, told him how dare he..   He seemed more upset that i caught him, than what he actually is doing.

I went downstairs with him telling him i’m going back to my country.  I remember thinking- ” Please tell me you’ll come with me..”  ” please tell me not to go..”   But all he said was – ” Okay, does that mean i can go back upstairs?”

It crushed me… It broke my heart….

I woke up past 4 am crying..sobbing…I was trying to reach him, network was not good… i was so depressed, so messed up…

Then finally there he was, i’m finally assured that it was only a dream…”I’m here” “It’s not real..” “I love you so much” … These comforting words…his voice.. his presence… Only this can make me feel better the whole day.

“Now, i won’t mind having these bad dreams or nightmares as long as you are there each time i wake up..”


et cetera