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{05/06/2012}   surviving a heartbreak
Before my recent break-up with a “guy” I was with for (almost) 15  months, I had to recover from the pains of a bitter separation with the “guy” I was in love with for (almost) seven years.  Like a lot of people probably would, I thought moving on from recent Ex would be a breeze considering everything that I went through after my previous Ex , but it wasn’t as easy as I expected.   It’s not that hard either.  For one,  I’m seven years smarter, tougher, and more mature.  Also,  I have an understanding of  why we had this relationship anyway,  I have a pretty clear idea of why I’m here,  what I aspire to become, and how I’d like my life to be.   I guess I’m finally realizing my true worth as a person and unlike before,  I don’t let other people determine that for me.   I have learned to love myself first by not letting my love for another consume me.

I’ve gone through something so hurtful  more than enough and I’d spare the rest of the planet from this kind of misery if I could,  but I can’t.  What I can only do is be the hand that holds a brokenhearted in his/her reading.  Having had “only”  four  break-ups  in my entire existence does not make me an expert, but I’m sharing a few of the countless things I  have read, i have learned and did in the years that I’ve been dealing with this kind of drama anyway.

Who knows?   I might  just be able to save a life, make a person understand how beautiful life is…..make one life more meaningful and continue moving on towards reaching her/his dreams.   Kudos to a dear friend who made me realize that my recent Ex is not worth my taking my life, even a tear… so now, i am moving on…again.

1)     As in any list, PUT GOD FIRST.    Pain can do all sorts of things to you- from doing things that you may regret, to forgetting the best way to deal with it.  Praying is not only communicating with God.  It is also a means of introspection wherein you confront yourself with your own thoughts, feelings, and actions.  It allows for an opportunity to work towards an unbiased conclusion as to how and why the separation happened.  Slowly but surely, you will understand that God is and will always be in control. No matter what you’re going through and whatever else happens, you are and will never be alone. You could lose a hundred lovers, but you won’t lose Him.

2)     After a heartbreak,  give your heart a break….  Let your feelings die a natural death.  If you bury them alive, they will inch their way up their graves and haunt you.    I don’t know about other people, but settling for a “rebound person” will only give you more problems.   You already have one.     Deal with it first.   I know of a person who came from one bitter break-up and ended up with five in one year.   As for my recent one, I came to soon to his life, only to find out that he has not moved out from his past heartbreak and i was his  “rebound person”…..  also things ended too soon.  Give yourself ample time to heal before you jump into anything.   When true love finally comes, it will be best if you are available on all aspects so you can have a stress-free relationship without the potential complications your cluttered history might cause.   The same goes for drugs, alcohol, and other diversions that can “divert” you to darker places of “break-up darkness”.   If you are currently in this kind of situation,  take this:  It’s better to lose someone else than to lose yourself.    In fact,  losing someone you have lost yourself into gives you a chance to find yourself again.

3)     Focus on moving on,  move forward, one day at a time.  Sniff your way to happiness….. After you’ve extracted yourself from a relationship that is proven to be beyond repair, use your “alone time” wisely.  Give yourself a chance to be angry and depressed for a short while, then switch off the “mope” button.  Do not engage in activities that will pull you back into the pit- like going to places you used to frequent as a couple, listening to your theme song all night, or stalking him/her.   Deal with change. Find something you love to do.  Anything artistic can help create you, create a new identity and even let go of someone you love.  Discover new things and be excited about what God has in store for you.  Be productive.  Spend time with your loved ones.  Find a way to be genuinely happy by yourself, so that you won’t have to be dependent on other people for your own happiness.

4)     Learn how to love without “owning”.   This ain’t easy, but it ain’t that hard either.   We have to recognize a way of loving freely, unconditionally, and without expectations.  If you want to reach out to your ex for closure and/or reconciliation, look inside your heart first. What do you really want to happen? Do you want to move on for good, or do you just want things back to how they were? Remember that the relationship ended because of how things were. Don’t start playing with fire if you don’t want to be burned- again. Know that you don’t have to “own” someone to love them because in reality, you can’t own anyone. Stop being miserable, lift up your loneliness to God, and set the object of your affection free. Eventually, you’ll be free from the emotions you had for that person and you’ll be given what is due you- the love and the kind of relationship you’ve been waiting for all your life.

5)     Look back with a smile. If you lose something bad, would you feel sad?  The reason why you feel “bluer than blue” after a break-up is because you know that you’ve lost something good. Your relationship may not have worked out, but it’s not like it was a colossal waste of time. Never regret something that made you happy. Allow one good memory to ease the pain, then let go and look forward to making new ones. Be thankful for the time you spent with that person, for the things that you’ve learned, and for the love that you shared. Gratefulness is an awesome cure for bitterness and sadness. It is also a sign of maturity. When you are grateful regardless of the pain that you’re feeling, forgiving is easier, healing is hastened, and before you know it, your heart is as good as new. After all, every relationship that ended wrongly will lead you to the right one.

A good friend of mine once said that each break-up is different. The intensity of pain that you felt with each separation, and the speed of your “recovery” are not measures of how deeply you felt for each person you were with. Your state of being at the time of your break-up is a huge determinant on how well you’ll pull through, so work on that. It all depends on your general outlook on life, your attitude, your will to move on, and your faith. I must admit that the road to recovery wasn’t that smooth…. but that’s okay.  I’m okay.  I figured that as long as you’re dead set on moving forward, you’ll manage to keep yourself on the track. Always believe that God had planned a wonderful love life for you. Wish your ex/exes well and you will be well. Eventually, all will be well and we live happily ever after – with or without a lover.

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{10/04/2012}   it’s better…
 Yes, i guess it’s better.

To be numb, than in pain.

It’s better to not feel anything.

It’s better to not care.

It’s better to not love.

It’s better to not miss.

It’s better to not reminisce.

It’s better to not wish.

it’s better not to dream.

It’s better not to hope.

It’s better to not believe.

It’s better to be numb.

Feel nothing.



{10/04/2012}   …..

thank you to the song and the singer…..

I need love, love to ease my mind,
I need to find, find someone to call mine,
But mama said you can’t hurry love,
No you just have to wait,
She said love don’t come easy,
It’s a game of give and take.
You can’t hurry love,
No, you just have to wait,
You gotta trust, give it time,
No matter how long it takes;
But how many heartaches must I stand
Before I find a love to let me live again.
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on,
When I feel my strength, yeah, it’s almost gone,
I remember mama said,

You can’t hurry love,
No you just have to wait,
She said love don’t come easy,
It’s a game of give and take.
How long must I wait how much more can I take,
Before loneliness will ’cause my heart, heart to break?
No, I can’t bear to live my life alone.
I grow impatient for a love to call my own,
But when I feel that I, I can’t go on,
These precious words keeps me hanging on,
I remember mama said,

Can’t hurry love,
No you just have to wait,
She said love don’t come easy,
it’s a game of give and take.

You can’t hurry love,
No you just have to wait,
She said love don’t come easy,
It’s a game of give and take
No matter how long it takes.

No love, love don’t come easy,
But I keep on waiting, anticipating for that
Soft voice to talk to me at night,
For some tender arms to hold me tight.
I keep waiting; I keep on waiting,
But it ain’t easy, it ain’t easy when mama said

You can’t hurry love no,
You just have to wait,
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes.

You can’t hurry love
You just have to wait,
She said love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take.

Related articles
  • Wait (todaywasafairytattletale.wordpress.com)
  • Promise Me! (noushinzora.wordpress.com)


{01/03/2012}   treasure every moment

Image

If we can love someone so much, how will we be able to handle it the day when we are separated for long periods of time?

Being separated is part of life and I’m sure all of us has experienced separation at some point. Is it possible that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them?

Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. Just make sure there are enough memories to fill them in, because whenever I start feeling sad when I miss you, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss, and the oceans and continents that separate us will never overcome the kind of bond that we have; one that transcends all logic and crosses borders not visible to the naked eye 😉

So dear reader, you’d be so lucky If you have the privilege of being with that special someone everyday! Never forget to make them feel valued and loved. When you feel that your relationship is getting too routine or ordinary, remember the hearts who have to endure years of separation from each other, and try to treasure every moment you are together ♥

 

–thanks to Karl To for this–



{15/02/2012}   L O V E

How would you define love?

To me, love is being seperated and yet, nothing changes. It’s when you still get those butterfly feelings even after so much time together.

It’s when the other consumes all of your thoughts, everything you do seems to involve him/her somehow.

 Love is fighting and being angry, but when it’s all over with, you’ve only grown stronger and nothing has changed.

It’s when all you want is to be with that person, and how they feel and their needs are before your own.

 It’s when you would do absolutely anything for that person without expecting the same in return.

Love is being best friends with no secrets between each other.

It’s when you picture your future, they are right there with you.

It’s when the smallest of things can put a smile on your face and be something you’ll always remember.

 It’s when you can do absolutely anything with them or around them and are just so comfortable its kinda crazy.

Love is more than sex, its more than constantly telling each other you love each other. 

Love is based on friendship, and that is the most important thing of it all.

But most of all, love can’t be defined. It’s something you can just feel and when you try and explain it, you don’t even scrape the surface of how incredible it really is.



{09/01/2012}   choice…

I really wonder why people suddenly change when they get what they wanted.

One day they are sweet, the next day they are not.  One day they are here, the next day they are not.  One day you are so important then the next day you are worthless…

One day they say “I Love You”, the next day they wouldn’t care about you.

That’s how ironic things and people can be… Pretty sh*ts, pretty lies, pretty f**ked up.  But it is still your choice….. my choice….

‘coz i chose to get HURT, when i chose to be IN LOVE..

 



Someone asked me this question:

“What is your reason to be happy?” –i just felt i had a lot of reasons to share…..

my reason starts upon waking up each morning (though after a bad dream)…that i am still alive. no matter how bad things were the past day/my dream was, each time i wake up i still thank God i woke up.

I don’t usually wake up with with a ready smile on my face… getting out of bed almost immediately,cramming,and striding through my day having to face any problems and challenges that may arise..ohh, If i want to be full of gloom then i just keep at the negative thoughts, stay in bed wandering why the world doesn’t just stop spinning and get it over with. …why should i choose to be gloomy when i still have more and more reasons to be happy.

i have my family:the people i love, i care,i needed….(mom,lukas,dad)….isn’t that enough reason i got these people who truly loves and cares for me??the same people i know are happy of my existence….i need not enumerate how their simple words and actions makes me realize how much they do love me.but i know they do.they make me happy…

i have a fulfilling job…i get to do things i really love doing.I am very happy being surrounded by these little angels(should this be another reason aside from my work). Their smiles, their innocent words and stares, their little acts of showing love and respect..they sure melt my heart…oh kids, i love kids–looking forward for my own….well, back to my work…lot of people don’t have any,wherein they got to worry where to get finances for their needs..i have it …and i should be happy for that.

i have dreams,wishes and hopes...

I have something good to look forward to…i have even my wildest, most outrageous dreams that gives me hope. I am looking forward to that holiday by the beach in Bali,playing tennis with my baby,moving out and settling to his place,my dream wedding,honeymoon in Paris,married life, doing what a responsible wife should to my husband and mother to my kids,raise the kids well,see the kids grow, be with my kids as they fulfill their dreams, have grandchildren,grow old with my Lukas…isn’t this something to be cheerful about?

Focus on the good times that lie ahead, and start working towards making them a reality coz no one wants to willingly live in misery and despair for the rest of their days..

good health….

I complained for minor pains like upset stomach,headache,difficulty of breathing, i got asthma, i got nose bleeding, rhinitis….But i can say that i am still reasonably healthy.Lot of people have major illness, others are terminally ill..I’ve seen Nikki fought leukemia,i saw the glimmer of life within her,no matter how dull,still there was..

But, i can say my life is better, i have good health…i’m embracing it as a good reason to be cheerful and happy…

 

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” -Unknown



et cetera